A new year and the loss of my husband
The sudden realisation came to me that I would now have to say that my husband died last year.The months have flown by merging into each other and I can’t believe it’s 9 months since he died.For me it’s been and still is truly exhausting.I look back on lots of tears (which there still are)pain and a myriad of different emotions.I’ve gone through so many from numbness to acceptance and the realisation that I’ll never see him again in my lifetime,resentment that he had to get ill and die,anger that his life was shortened,guilt things I should have done or not done,fear of the future and the fear that I’ll forget some little detail of him and our life together,the yearning to turn the clock back and especially the overwhelming sadness and loneliness.I miss him so much his love and companionship and being able to share my life with him.If if ever thought about what it would be like to lose your husband it’s been far worse than I would ever have imagined.
I shall continue my journey.
Christine
5th January 2021